i want to be...

Last night was my first night to sleep in my new apartment. Thankfully I had my sister there to kind of ease the transition. I hate this stage of being in limbo between places, and I feel like that in so many areas of my life right now. My apartment is not in order, organized or decorated. I just moved offices and my new one is a complete disaster till my furniture comes in next week. I have so many ideas and projects I want to complete, but either don't know exactly how to tackle them from a technical standpoint or simply become overwhelmed with the massive "to-do" list in my head between everything that is going on.

Even in the midst of chaos that seems to be engulfing my spirit, I feel myself become more centered. More in tune with who I am, what I want and what I deserve. For so long I have been trying to be perfect for other people to love me, and recently I have found myself realizing that I don't need to work for love. I am already in the deepest relationship I will ever be in in life with my Lord Jesus Christ. That I am a beautiful creation with so much potential and am always covered by the greatest love that man will ever know, and for me to work at receiving love from a mortal standpoint and spending so much time and energy for approval and affection, is really just ridiculous. That that time and energy should be spent in genuine love given through Christ to others, not working at getting it from others, which until recently I have realized are two totally different things.

I want to be a leader. I want to be inspired and inspiring. I want to be whole. I want to explore all that Christ is and know and feel him everyday. I want to be all around healthy. I want to help and challenge others. I want a peaceful heart. I want an eternal mindset. I want to know the balance between loving myself first without selfishness. I want to be rested. I want to be alive. I want to live passion. I want to follow him and in turn be "a leader worth following" (Doug Franklin).