5K here I come...

I ran 3.2 miles straight last night, which for some reason felt like a lifetime more than the 3 mile route have been running since I started about 6 weeks ago. I ran at LaFortune Park and even though it was a hard run, I actually really enjoyed it. There are SO many runners there that I am sure are like me and making it a stop on their way home after work. It was encouraging for me to keep going as I saw how many people were doing the same thing. The Tulsa Run is Saturday and will be me first official 5K, I am a little nervous and alot excited.

i want to be...

Last night was my first night to sleep in my new apartment. Thankfully I had my sister there to kind of ease the transition. I hate this stage of being in limbo between places, and I feel like that in so many areas of my life right now. My apartment is not in order, organized or decorated. I just moved offices and my new one is a complete disaster till my furniture comes in next week. I have so many ideas and projects I want to complete, but either don't know exactly how to tackle them from a technical standpoint or simply become overwhelmed with the massive "to-do" list in my head between everything that is going on.

Even in the midst of chaos that seems to be engulfing my spirit, I feel myself become more centered. More in tune with who I am, what I want and what I deserve. For so long I have been trying to be perfect for other people to love me, and recently I have found myself realizing that I don't need to work for love. I am already in the deepest relationship I will ever be in in life with my Lord Jesus Christ. That I am a beautiful creation with so much potential and am always covered by the greatest love that man will ever know, and for me to work at receiving love from a mortal standpoint and spending so much time and energy for approval and affection, is really just ridiculous. That that time and energy should be spent in genuine love given through Christ to others, not working at getting it from others, which until recently I have realized are two totally different things.

I want to be a leader. I want to be inspired and inspiring. I want to be whole. I want to explore all that Christ is and know and feel him everyday. I want to be all around healthy. I want to help and challenge others. I want a peaceful heart. I want an eternal mindset. I want to know the balance between loving myself first without selfishness. I want to be rested. I want to be alive. I want to live passion. I want to follow him and in turn be "a leader worth following" (Doug Franklin).

little graphic projects by me...

A few things I have been working on lately...

Tulsa Tech Hoodie Competition: 2 color image on black hoodie


Fun with Brushes


2 photos I took on a drive to Fairfax that inspired me

transitions...

I am approaching a new "season of life" I guess you could say. I am not the biggest fan of change in general, even when it is for the best in my life. For example, I have cried when packing up every place I have ever lived in (which is 8 times in the past 5 years). It's like right when I get comfortable in my situation something comes along my path to make it change. I am aware that life is ever changing, and that things, people, relationships, friends are ever changing. Sometimes those changes are great, because they are growing into a deeper level filled with higher commitment, greater responsibility, which in turn becomes a wonderful safety and when true fellowship is formed. And sometimes it goes the other way, when things slowly fade for different reasons, being geographically, emotionally, time constraints, work, etc. And if they never got to that deeper bond, the growing apart phase is inevitable to come.

I went to Dallas this last weekend to see old friends that I have been blessed with that deeper bond that external reasons for breaking relationships apart will never do. I love that I have those people in life that when I see them my heart is set at ease, and they can see in my eyes anything that I am going through. I long for these relationships in my current situation that I can grow in day to day.

Any and all prayers in my moving process would so highly appreciated. Prayers for the right place, right location, and mostly for my heart and mind as I impend on this new stage in my life. That my relationship with Christ is strengthened, and that my soul comes to a place that relies on him alone for my strength, independence, and self worth.

For so long I have thought I was ready to be married, and isn't till now that I have realized I am not ready for that at all. That I need to be secure in who I am without the approval of anyone but God's alone. That my life alone is stable, happy and glorifying to God, and that to be with someone else is to better his kingdom together as one.

If I could keep my mind and heart focused on these things at all times. The truth will make this transition much easier because I am not doing it for anyone else but myself and God. But Satan and his power of questioning, self-doubt, and making me feel that need someone else for my own self worth is ridiculous, yet still there. My prayer is that I keep my heart and mind away from him and focused on what is real.