Focus on those things that are true, noble, just, pure and lovely in a time of harsh reality.

So it has been a long time since I have posted... I actually have been doing a ton of writing the past few months, but going through some challenging times that I felt needed to be dealt with on a personal level. It is wierd how it feels ok to easily divulge details of exciting growth and changes or deal with hardships through an inadverdant standpoint to self medicate through writing... but true heartache hurts to put out there. Almost embarrasing in a way. It is funny that a year ago I had written a blog or diary entry somewhere about how much my life changed in a year...how amazing it was, how much growth and blessings had come into my life. Never in a million years would I have seen myself in this spot another year later. Just another humbling stage that God has better plans then the ones I had in my head a year ago for me at this point. I am in a great spot now, probably one of the most all around healthy spots in my life... but that pain is still there. The emptiness that a best friend once filled, the void of inside jokes and laughter, the absence of physical presence and comfort everday day and night. Questions that will never be answered, a new family abruptly taken away, and watching love dissolve infront of your eyes...all pretty life changing things. But while those things hurt deeply, and dealing with the fact that the person you would give anything to make smile, chooses daily to choose live a life apart from you in it... it is reality, and reality when faced head on can sometimes be too harsh to truly admit and or face.

I am so proud of myself though. I have proven to myself that I am so much stronger than I could have ever imagined. I am doing things I feel called to do, I am finding my independence and satisfaction through God alone. I am focusing on those things that are true, those things that are noble, things are just, pure, and lovely. Sure there have been those few moments self-doubt and insecurity, but easily drowned out by the audible personal growth and achievement I have made. The path is narrow, and few will find it... and I will search it out and continue full heartedly.